Showing posts with label My Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label My Story. Show all posts

Sunday, March 18, 2012

(A Piece Of) Chapter 4: It's Mind-Bending

Wow. I've been posting a lot lately. I've been in a special posting mood, ya know? So scroll down a bit, maybe.

Anyway, here's a part from Chapter 4 in my story that I'd like you guys to read. Is it not that well-written (I got that impression)? Are you able to picture the scene in your mind? Does it make you stay on the edge of your seat in suspense? :) As always, suggestions are welcome!!!!!

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The woods looked very beautiful, with the afternoon sun filtering through the tops of the trees and several hawks circling above them, but Dakota did not notice. Her thoughts were on a rampage, twisting the image of Brooke and making her appear to be a mutant, a twisted, demented being that knew only how to scream and fight.
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Dakota knew she was being too extreme, yet she could not help but consider the possibility. She imagined this for the entire trip from the field to the infirmary, and she found herself standing outside the door to Brooke's room, afraid to go in for what she might see.
“Go on, Dakota. There's nothing to be afraid of,” her father urged.
Dakota didn't move.
“Well, you can go in when you're ready,” said Jim. “I'm going to go meet with Riko and talk to him. But your mother and I want you to visit her, and if you don't, you'll be disobeying us. Even though you have a little more freedom here, you're still under our authority.” He squeezed her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. “But you can take all the time you would like.”
And that is what Dakota did – she stood for five minutes by herself in the hall outside that door, alone, unmoving, until she took a deep breath, closed her eyes, and prepared herself.
I am ready.
Turning the door handle, she pushed the door open with a creak. Blue light shone from the center of the room, temporarily blinding Dakota. She stepped back, shielding her eyes, fear rising. What's going on?
She heard a little gasp and she lowered her hand. What she saw made her heart nearly stop.
Brooke was lying prostrate on the bed, her limbs splayed. Next to her was Osa – her hands held out, facing Brooke. Blue light poured from her palms and went into Brooke's open eyes. Osa's eyes were wide, staring at Dakota, and Brooke squirmed and moaned. Osa immediately turned to face Brooke, her eyes closed tightly in concentration.
What Dakota had feared immediately rose within her – uncontrollable rage.
“You!” Dakota screamed, running into the room. “You – you – what are you doing to her?!”
Osa's concentration broke, and she turned and looked at Dakota in a look of fear and … determination.
Brooke shrieked and twitched.
“Leave her alone!” yelled Dakota. She wanted to turn into a phoenix badly, but she knew she could – would – burn down the place. A well-placed fist will do fine.
Dakota was just rearing back to punch when Osa held up a hand. Blue shot out from her fingertips and bored into Dakota's eyes.
Dakota fell to the floor, her hands pressed against her ears, grunting. She felt Osa trying to probe her mind and panic shot through her. No! She … she can't … she'll … hurt … Brooke …
But fighting was to no avail. Dakota collapsed from the exhaustion of protecting her mind, and she was forced to drop the faulty barriers she had put up around her mind for fear that she would die from the strain.
To her surprise, Osa was gentle, and before she could take a breath a soft voice spoke in her mind.
I won't hurt you.
Dakota was surprised and didn't want to believe it at all, but before she could try to respond, the voice spoke again.
I know you're worried about your sister. I understand that feeling, but please stop. I am trying to help her. I am erasing her memories of the attack and healing her mind.
“No … no you're not!” cried Dakota, refusing to believe it. “I ought to … ought to ...”
Dakota felt Osa begin to withdraw her mind. Stop fighting. Just be patient.
“Don't … touch … her!” protested Dakota, but it was too late. Osa had returned her attention to Brooke. Dakota felt her strength returning and struggled to her feet, but she froze. Something inside her resisted moving forward, and before Dakota could find the willpower to resist it, the blue light intensed, and Brooke arced her back and opened her mouth in a silent scream. A black cloud flew out and was immediately captured by the blue light. It let out an unearthly shriek and struggled, but the light began to squeeze it and it vanished. The blue light disappeared as Osa collapsed. Only a few seconds after it disappeared Brooke's eyes flew open and she gasped.
“Brooke?” Dakota was immediately at her side.
Brooke turned to Dakota. “Dakota! Where –” She looked around the room, her eyelids fluttering. “Where am I?”
Happy tears flooded Dakota's eyes, but she still had a few more questions. “Do you remember seeing a witch and two demons in an old house?”
Brooke laughed. “Silly 'Kota! I've never seen a witch!”
Dakota smiled, tears falling. “Don't call me 'Kota.”
Brooke smiled too. “I will. Just stop crying, okay? It's making me sad.” She jumped off the bed and nearly landed on top of Osa. “Who's she?”
Osa! She was right! Is she okay? “Er – a helper.”
“Cool!”
Footsteps sounded on the stairs and Cara, Jim, and Riko rushed in. “Dakota! Are you alright?” cried Cara. “The patients heard screams coming from this room and – Brooke?”
Brooke smiled. “Hi, Mommy!”
Cara looked confused. “Dakota, what – is she – is she –”
Dakota smiled a teary smile. “Yes. Yes, she's fine!”
Cara looked suspicious, confused, and happy all at the same time. “But how – what –”
“Mommy, where am I?” interrupted Brooke, at her side in a flash. “Oh, hi, Daddy! Do you know where I am? I'm hungry! And thirsty, did you know that? Could I have something to eat? Please? How about ice cream? Could I have ice cream? Or cookies or punch or popsicles … but popsicles are the same as ice cream … right?”
Cara and Jim could fit in no more questions between hers, and with one last curious look at Dakota, they led her away.
Riko stared curiously at Dakota, and then with a small smile turned away and followed Cara and Jim down the stairs.

Monday, January 9, 2012

Prologue

Here's the Prologue for that same story. :) But this is all I'm posting for now. No more yet!!!!!

NOTE: My bad guy's character isn't developed yet. I still have to find a solid personality for him and apply it. So if he's kind of like Jekyll and Hyde - you know, one moment cool and calm, the next wild and angry - it's because I haven't got a solid personality for him yet. This Prologue WILL be refined later, so it will jump around a bit. Feedback is welcome!

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The room was dark and cold, but that was how he liked it.
Dark. Quiet. The man sighed. This was the only place he found peace – for himself. That was only when he wanted peace … for himself. To others, he appeared to be a master of chaos. He smiled. That was true. He did not deny it. Others called him murderer, liar, thief, monster. Those were all true; he did not deny those either.
He turned away from the large window where he had been watching the dark, moonless sky. He sat in his chair in the back of the room, on a raised, marble platform. Below him, there was a large table where he held Council meetings. About twenty paces behind the table was a large, wooden door. Above it was a huge crest – it had a big, blood red, fanged skull on it. Around the eerie skull was all the creatures – all the world – bowing down to it. Under the picture were the words Infinus. Dominus. Nex. Nos mos victum! The man smiled again as he surveyed it.
The double door swung open and emitted a beautiful young girl with long, white-blonde hair. She touched her knee to the floor before the platform. “My lord,” she said silkily, “everything is in good order. According to what I have heard, the prey will set out tomorrow and will be accompanied by a mortal.”
“Hmm,” the man said. “No worries, but we will not kill the mortal this time. We cannot risk getting the authorities involved, like what happened with your little stunt, Juliet.”
The girl, Juliet, frowned and rose from her prostrate position. “They would not have known if it weren't for that nosy playwright.”
The man smirked. “No matter. That was long ago, and Shakespeare is dead while you live on.”
The corners of Juliet's mouth lifted slightly, but she shrugged and changed the topic. “Whom shall we send?” She looked up at him eagerly. “May I go, my lord?”
“Not we, Juliet. Say you.”
Juliet fell onto her knees again. “I mean whom shall you send, my lord. I am sorry.”
The hooded man waved his hand vaguely. “Rise.”
Juliet complied.
The man rested his head on his hands. His body flickered momentarily, then stopped. “You will not be involved in the actual destroying, Juliet, you will just help prepare the victim and deliver the message.”
Juliet's face fell. “But, my lord –”
“Silence!” commanded the man. “How dare you question me?”
Juliet bowed her head. “Again, I apologize.”
“An apology is not enough,” he hissed, “but I will accept it for now.”
Juliet said nothing.
The man stood from his throne and began to walk back and forth on the platform. “I think that Beth will do well for this.”
“What? But, you can't, she's –”
“SILENCE!” The man turned viciously toward her. With a snap of his fingers and muttering of words, it seemed like an invisible hand had clamped on Juliet's throat. Juliet struggled, trying to speak, her face beginning to turn blue.
“How – many – times –” said the man through clenched teeth, “do – I – have – to – tell – you – to – obey – ME!”
Juliet's face was purple now. He flicked his hand, and Juliet flew backwards and slammed into the wall with a moan. The man turned towards her. “Find Beth immediately and tell her she is to go to her old mansion on 13 Willow Street.” The man's eyes narrowed. “Tell her to do whatever she can to kill the girl, even kill the mortals if necessary.”
Juliet sputtered and coughed as she ran to the door, not even bothering to bow. “Oh, wait!” called the man. Juliet reluctantly turned. He smiled. “Tell Beth to come to me for further instruction. I would like to add some … incentive, if you catch my meaning.”
Juliet bowed this time and rasped, “As you wish, my lord,” and ran away quickly.
The man smiled coldly at the retreating girl's back. He knew he should not lose his temper as fast as he had, but sometimes it was fun to, as he put it, play around.
The hooded man returned to his place at the window, staring at the moonless night once again, watching the stars twinkle brightly. “Soon, I will put you out,” he muttered. “The world will be full of darkness; no light will survive.” Closing his eyes, he sighed deeply. This, indeed, was peace.


******************

Hey, Grace, if you could check my Latin, that would be great. I'm not sure if I got it right.....I used an online translator. It's supposed to say Infinite. Dominant. Death. We will conquer!

So, what do you think? Any ideas? Proofreading suggestions?

Sunday, January 8, 2012

Story Excerpt :)

I know some of you have been asking me about my books, you know, when will I get it published, why is it taking so long, are you still writing the same series, etc. Well, I'm going to answer those three questions now.

I don't know when it will be published - I hope sometime next year.

Don't rush art! :) It takes time to do this.

No, I'm not. I started a new series, the Dakota Ryan series. It's about a girl who can change from human into creature.

So, I decided to post a part from the story I'm writing. It's from chapter one. I'm going to go back and refine it once I finish the whole book, but this is it for now.

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Dakota Ryan is not normal. Whatsoever. Many people call themselves strange, but in reality, you have not seen strange until you have seen Dakota Ryan.
Her hair is a bright, flaming red, and it sticks out in all directions. She has tried (unsuccessfully) to tame it, but to no avail. Her eyes are a bright, wild green, which, all in all, gives her the look of a mad scientist.
Everyone she meets thinks she is an oddball. Even her own aunts, uncles, and cousins think so, but they do so privately. At school, she is teased mercilessly. And not just because of her appearance, either.
Dakota has anger issues. Or at least, she thinks so. She had had it under control a long time ago, before she was enrolled in Coiferte Public School. Then it flared up all the time – in classes, in hallways, in cafeterias. She would shake in rage and smoke – literal smoke – would come out of her ears.
But, if you look past her appearance and “issues”, you will find that she is a serious, solemn girl. She is a quick thinker and is practical. But only one person, other than her family, dared to come close and figure that out.
That person is Tessa Reed.
And Tessa Reed was waiting patiently outside, in the dark, for Dakota Ryan on October 31, Halloween. They were dressed up as themselves (they couldn't think of anything else to wear) and were going out. But this Halloween was special. Dakota had turned thirteen a few weeks ago, on October 14, and her parents were allowing her to walk around without adult supervision.
Tessa bounced on her toes and shoved her hands in her hoodie's pockets. “Oh, hurry up, Dakota,” she muttered to herself. “I'm freezing.”
Sure enough, within a few minutes, Dakota showed up, carrying a pillowcase in one hand and a purse in the other. She wore a hoodie and jeans, like Tessa, her hair as wild as ever.
“Hi, Tessa!” said Dakota cheerily. “Sorry it took me so long – Brooke needed help with her princess dress –”
“That's okay, but now that you're here, can we go now? I'm cold.”
“Sure.” Dakota turned to her family, who had come out. Her mom, Cara, hair as red as Dakota's (only smoother), was trying to keep Brooke from running away with her pumpkin bucket. Dakota's dad, Jim, noticed Dakota and waved.
“Have a good time!” shouted Jim.
The girls took that as dismissal, turned, and left.
There was hardly anyone out this year – the weatherman had called for eighty four percent chance of rain that morning, and sure enough, droplets of water were starting to fall.
The girls pulled up their hoods and continued on.
They acted like it was perfectly dry as they walked along and talked.
“So how have you been, Dakota?” asked Tessa. “I haven't seen you in a while.”
“Yeah – I've been fine –”
“You can't fool me,” said Tessa sternly. “What's up, Dakota Ryan?”
“Well...” Dakota sighed. “I've had a lot of school problems lately.”
“With who? Or what?” Tessa grabbed a handful of candy from someone's bowl. “Oooh, Kit Kats – anyway –”
“There's this girl named Julia Capule,” Dakota began as they walked away. “She's really mean. Strange, too. I mean, most bullies have a clique around them or something – but not her. She works alone. Like, I'm in the hallway at my locker, putting my math book away, and this kid walks by me. Well, Julia just appears behind him, punches him, and disappears. I don't know how she does it. But I got blamed for it.”
“Oh no!”
“Yes. She spies on me too – I was in the bathroom once and she just appeared –”
“Okay, you don't have to go into details, I get the picture.”
“Yeah.” Dakota sighed deeply. “She follows me everywhere. She keeps trying to get close to me, but I'm always with someone. She tries to get me alone, but I won't let her. It's too dangerous, I suppose.”
“Totally.” Tessa and Dakota crossed onto Brickwood Avenue. “I wish I could be there with you, Dakota,” said Tessa sadly. “If I hadn't had to move to that blasted school –”
“Now, Tessa, it's not your fault you had to change schools ...”
“– I could be there with you –”
“Come on, Tessa, this lady's got bubble gum ...”
“– and could get that Julia expelled –”
“TESSA!”
“What? Oh yes, sorry. Got a little carried away there.” said Tessa sheepishly.
Dakota laughed softly as she rang someone's doorbell. “Yes, well, I'll take care of it soon. My mom and dad know, so it's only a matter of time.”
“Right.” said Tessa.
By now, it was pouring rain. Their trick-or-treat bags were well on their way to being soaked, and they were shivering with cold.
“Hey! Hey! Dakota!” an excited voice called from behind them. They turned to see Brooke, yelling and waving, and the rest of the family, carrying umbrellas. “Would you like an umbrella, you two?” Cara called mischievously, raising one. The girls glanced at each other.
“Yes!” they cried in unison.
Twenty minutes later, the girls were still freezing but were now pretty much dry.
“How full is your bag?” asked Tessa, craning her neck to see around the umbrella handle.
“About halfway.” Dakota handed the umbrella to Tessa. “It's your turn to hold it.”
“Darn … I was hoping you'd forget.”
“Yeah, right. Take it. It's heavy.”
The girls plodded on for about another hour, chatting about what candy was best, how cold it was getting, and who's turn it was to take the umbrella.
“When are you supposed to be home?” asked Tessa, hoisting her trick-or-treat bag over her shoulder.
Dakota pulled a cheap flip cell phone out of her purse. “It's 8:30. I'm supposed to be home at 8:45.” She snapped the phone closed. “But my mom said I have to start coming home at 8:45, that I have to be home by 9:00.”
“Okay.”
“Yeah – oh, trick-or-treat!” said Dakota happily to an old woman. The woman grinned enthusiastically and piled handfuls of candy into her bag. “Here, take a bunch, hon, there's almost no one out.”
And the lady was right. It was raining much, much harder now, and most people had decided to go home. It was only a few determined teens that were out, and even then, there was only a few.
The girls thanked the lady and walked up onto another long street. It was a hill with lots of dark houses and no people. Even still, Tessa and Dakota walked up it.
“Say, Tessa, you think this is the last street, then we go home?”
“Yeah.” Tessa sighed. “Too bad, though. If only it wasn't raining.”
“Right.”
The girls started walking up the hill together. There wasn't as many streetlights on this street, and most of the houses were dark, showing that they did not want to give out candy. Only some houses at the very top were lit, and you could hear loud voices from them. Probably a party, thought Dakota. But, as she was thinking this, a pale figure appeared out of the blackness at the top of the hill. It had white skin and black clothing.
As it got closer, it took the form of a girl – with long white blonde hair and a silky black dress. A scarlet cloak billowed gracefully behind her, but there was no wind.
“Who's that?” asked Tessa.
“I don't know,” replied Dakota.
The mystery girl walked closer to the two girls, who were frozen still. “Oh no,” Dakota moaned, “I think I know who it is!”
“Who?” asked Tessa urgently.
“We need to get out of here!” Dakota's voice was suddenly fearful. All cheeriness was gone. “Hurry!”
Too late.
The girl's voice rose softly, like the wind, but made them stop in their tracks. “Where do you think you're going, Dakota Ryan?”
“Where I want to go, that's where.” Dakota's voice quivered slightly.
“Who is this person?” Tessa whispered again.
Dakota shuddered. “Julia Capule.”
“I didn't know she lived here!”
“Neither did I, and that's the creepy part.”
“I would like to have a word with you.” said Julia slyly.
“I'd rather not, thanks.” Dakota grabbed Tessa's arm and backtracked down the hill.
Thunder clapped overhead. Julia whirled her cloak and disappeared. Tessa gasped. “What –”
Cold air raised goosebumps on Dakota's neck. “Don't try to run. I can follow you. I can see you from afar.” Julia's mesmerizing voice hissed behind them. “I have darkness at my command. You do not know what you are getting into.”
Bright red fingernails crawled up Dakota's arm. Dakota shivered. Julia's voice neared her ear. “Proceed to 13 Willow Street immediately, or your family will be gone. If you are not there in a half an hour, your family will be dead by midnight.” Cold air made her ear feel like an icicle. Out of the corner of her eye, Dakota could see blood red lips with fangs overlapping the edge creeping toward her neck. Tessa squealed in fright. Dakota couldn't move.
All of a sudden, Julia appeared just in front of them, a snarl on her face. “I am not who you think I am.” She snapped her fingers. The streetlights flickered and went out. Tessa screamed. It was pitch black; Dakota could barely see the lights on the top of the hill. The voice and cold air returned, whispering inches from Dakota's face. “Go to 13 Willow Lane or you will suffer the consequences. We are watching you, Dakota Ryan. Always watching.”
With a pop, the lights turned back on. Dakota turned around herself. Julia Capule was gone.
Tessa ran to Dakota and grabbed her arm tightly. “What was that, Dakota?” she said, her eyes lit up with terror. “She doesn't seem like the class bully you told me about!”
Dakota shuddered. “She wasn't. She – she was different tonight somehow … more scary. She was – she was –”
“Real-looking?” said Tessa.
“Yes – that didn't look like a costume at all.”
“I'm not sure it was.” Tessa glanced over her shoulder. “So … we're not going to listen to her, right? We're going to go home, and eat our candy –”
“Well …”
“What do you mean, well?” said Tessa indignantly, still clutching Dakota's arm. “She's a bully! She's a – well – meanie, that's what! A liar! You can't just go waltzing over to that place she said, there could be kidnappers, abductors, gangs –”
“Listen, Tessa, I'm going to call my mom, and if she doesn't answer, I'm going.” Dakota had never felt so determined. She just felt like she had to. Or else.
“But, Dakota –”
“Tessa, I'm going to call my mom.”
“Dakota, did that weirdo knock the brains out of you? You're not thinking sense! You can't just walk into this .. this death trap –”
But it was too late. Dakota was already calling her mother. Ring … ring … ring … beep. No one answered. Dakota's hands shook. She tried again. Same results. Again. Same. Again. Same. Again. Same.
Beep! Someone was calling. Without hesitating, Dakota answered it without checking caller ID.
“Your parents will not answer,” a rough, hoarse, gravelly voice said, “because they are at my house now.” Dakota's face drained of all color. The voice chuckled. “If you would like to see them ...” – Dakota didn't like the emphasis she put on see – “... come to 13 Willow Street right away.” The person hung up.
Dakota snapped the phone closed, her hands shaking. “I have to go, Tessa. You can come if you want, but I am definitely going.”
Tessa's lip quivered. She hesitated, then let go of Dakota's arm and turned and faced her. “You're my best friend, Dakota Ryan. I will not let you go face some insane bully by yourself.” She looked over her shoulder, squeezing the umbrella handle tightly. “I am coming with you.”
Dakota looked fondly at her friend. “Are you sure, Tessa?”
“Yes. Now stop second-guessing me, or you'll make me even more nervous.”
Dakota, with Tessa following closely behind, backtracked to the nearest street sign. “Well, what do you know,” muttered Tessa. “We're on Willow Street already.”
And they were. There wasn't a lot of houses on this street. Unlike the other streets, where the houses were close together, these houses were spread apart and had much more land. They were also more expensive-looking.
The girls began to walk up the hill, glancing every which way as they went. As they walked, Dakota began to lose her confidence. What am I getting into? she asked herself. What am I getting Tessa into? This is mad, this is insane ...
But she could not turn back now. She had already made her decision, and she was pretty sure that that stupid Julia Capule had heard her, if she was still around. She couldn't be cowardly, that would be too lowly.
“Ten, eleven ...” counted Dakota. They were nearing the top of the hill now. That loud party they had heard before was gone – there were traces of them (beer cans, tables, coolers) lying around, but no people. Not a single one. Apparently, the rain had driven them away … it was still raining, not as hard as before, but still drizzling.
Dakota stopped so quickly that Tessa ran into her. “Whoa, Dakota, what's wrong?” asked Tessa.
“There's no thirteen,” whispered Dakota.
“What?”
“There's no thirteen,” said Dakota louder. “This house is twelve, the one over there is fourteen, but there's no thirteen – just a little cul-de-sac up at the top.”
“Then it must have been a trick!” said Tessa indignantly. “Gosh, that was a waste of time … my mom's going to kill me for being out this late, and what am I going to say? We were threatened by a bully, and we played into her hands –”
“Tessa, stop.” Dakota held up her hand, staring intently at the cul-de-sac.
“What is it now, Dakota?”
“Shh.” Dakota watched. Was it – yes, it was! Black dust rose out of the ground, forming a shape out of black – an old mansion. Doors and windows began to form, an old porch, and a rocking chair slowly swaying with the breeze. Even trees had formed.
“Tessa, did you see that?” asked Dakota incredulously.
“See what?”
“That – that house just appeared out of black dust, and –”
“Black dust?” Tessa sounded skeptical. “I don't see anything.”
“What – no, come here.” Dakota took Tessa's hand and led her towards the house. The closer Dakota got, the creepier the mansion became.
There were gravestones everywhere, some with hands or bones sticking out of the dirt. There was mummies hanging from trees, and skeletons lying up against the walls.
But it looked real – so real Dakota nearly screamed in fright, and that's something she almost never does.
“What's wrong, Dakota?” said Tessa, confused.
“N – nothing.” stammered Dakota. She shuddered and regained her composure. Dragging Tessa by the hand, she walked over to a tree with nothing on it and touched it. It felt as normal as a regular tree would. “Tessa, touch this.”
“Touch what? I don't see anything.”
“Just – just do it, please.”
Dakota pulled Tessa's hand forward and laid it on the tree. Nothing happened. “Hmm.”
“Hmm what, Dakota? You need to tell me what you're thinking!” said Tessa forcefully. She spun around and tripped over her own feet, and she fell forward – right through the tree.
“Tessa!” cried Dakota. She lunged toward her friend, but collided with the tree with a thump. “Why can't I go through it?” she muttered to herself, rubbing her forehead as she went around the side of the tree. “Tessa, where are you?”
“Right here.” Tessa came around the side of the tree, almost running into Dakota. She smiled. “Took a bit of a tumble there. I can be so clumsy sometimes.” Tessa noticed Dakota's face and the bruise on her forehead and her smile faded. “What's up, girlfriend?”
“There is definitely a tree there.” Dakota touched the tree gingerly. “I hit my head on it when you fell through it.”
Through it?”
“Yeah.”
Tessa shook her head. “Look, Dakota, I think you've been out in the rain a bit too long. Let's just go home, have a nice cup of cocoa and some Reese's, and go to bed, 'kay? How's that sound?” Tessa hooked her arm in Dakota's and led her away. Dakota followed reluctantly.
Dakota was taking her last looks at the old house, its rickety windows, and the empty rocking chair when she felt something on her leg. She gave a kick, but it wouldn't go away. She looked down and screamed.
Tessa whirled around. “Dakota, what –” But she could not talk. She was too confused.

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Sorry about the font change.....I copied and pasted it directly from my story. I hope you like it!!!